DWARF PERFORMER INJURED BY VACUUM CLEANER
A DWARF performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.
Daniel Blackner, or Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.
The main part of his act was for him to appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member with a special apparatus.
The attachment broke before the performance and Mr Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.
He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.
"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me," Mr Blackner said.
"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."
FOR seven-year-old Javaid Iqbal, the Florida holiday was a reward for schoolwork.
But he was left in tears after he was stopped repeatedly at airports in both Britain and the US as a suspected terrorist.
The alerts were triggered because Javaid, from Manchester, shares his name with a Pakistani deported from the US, prompting staff at three airports to question his family about his identity.
The family missed their flight home after officials cancelled their tickets in the confusion.
Javaid's passport is now marked that he has been security checked.
PORN THIEF NABBED RED FACED AND RED HANDED
A MAN caught stealing a porn magazine was caught in a public toilet just minutes later.
The 19-year-old man emerged red-faced from the disabled toilets in Darwin's Karama Shopping Centre.
The security guard and Karama Newsagency owner Peter Cullip had been waiting for the man for more than 10 minutes.
"He was pretty embarrassed," Mr Cullip, 43, said.
"We can only guess what he was doing in there."
Mr Cullip said the man came into the newsagency about 2.30pm on Saturday.
I thought he looked a bit too casual, so I had a look at the CCTV footage," Mr Cullip said.
Mr Cullip said the CCTV camera caught the thief putting a Fiesta magazine up his T-shirt, and then leaving the store.
The magazine - a British soft-core porn adult magazine, which features girl-next-door-type models - retails for $9.95.
Mr Cullip, watching the thief on CCTV in his office, went out of the store to stop him but he was no-where to be seen.
But with the help of the shopping centre's security guard, they discovered he had locked himself inside the public disabled toilet.
They waited about 10 minutes before calling the police.
But before police officers arrived, the man emerged embarrassed from the toilet.
"He was saying, `C'mon, let me go. I'll pay for it'," Mr Cullip said.
"It was all lies he was telling us, he may have had suspicions that we were waiting for him."
Mr Cullip said when police arrived, they took the man to collect the $9.95 and returned with him to pay the money back.
He said the man had been given a "slap on the wrist" for trespass.
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